A Picturesque KAOS
by Carebearmaxi
Summary: Max and 99 are on a mission to expose a nude messaging plot. Will 99 and Max be successful or will 99 have to pose in the nude before she and Max are married?


A Picturesque Kaos

"What do you think, 99?" Max asked as he and his partner 99 slid through the photo studio door.

"It's awfully quiet, Max. In a photo shoot there is always a lot more people milling about than just one photographer. Where are the models? Where are the hairdressers, the dressers, the lighting techs? You see what I mean, Max? It is way too quiet in here."

"I think you are right, 99. You would know, I suppose."

"Well, I was a model before I became a CONTROL agent, but I didn't do anything like those nasty pictures that KAOS is putting out."

Lately, KAOS had entered into the modeling business to get its information to their compatriots around the world. Modeling-nude modeling-was fast become a very popular method of transmission. Lately it was predominantly female models but soon there would be male models to satisfy and catch the eye of the female KAOS agents of the world.

Max had different opinions about the pictures that KAOS was using. They were tasteful, but he did not want 99, his fiancée, to know what he really thought. He certainly would not want to see his future wife's face and figure distributed all over the world in some suggestive position. After all, 99 was a lady.

"Max?"

"Yes, 99," Max said with a rather disgusted look on his face. He had walked over to where the camera had been sitting and started to fool with it by opening latches and clicking the clicker. It was a little too high for him to see through the lens.

"Max, what do you see?"

"Well, either this guy is a giant or a person with one big eye…"

"Why do you say that, Max?" 99 asked as she cringed to see Max playing with delicate equipment. It's not that Max was dumb he just did not know when to keep his hands off things.

"Max, don't play with that. You don't know if KAOS set any traps in here."

"Oh, nonsense, 99" Max whined. "This is nothing but a camera-a-a-a!"

Suddenly he and 99 plummeted below the floor into a dark chasm filled with dripping water and damp odor.

"99"?

"Yes, Max," 99 responded trying to see anything in the darkness.

"Don't tell me we are in not in a modeling studio anymore."

"We're not in a modeling studio anymore."

"I asked you not to tell me that."

"Great, Max," 99 responded sarcastically. She loved Max very, very much, but sometimes she could just thrash him for fiddling with equipment and not using the spy instincts she knew he possessed deep in his befuddled, lovable brain.

"No need to be sarcastic, 99. I didn't know that shutter was signal to a booby trap!" Max said trying to placate 99. Now that they were officially going to be husband and wife, it seemed 99 was losing her patience with him. That was one of the reasons he loved 99 because no matter how stupid he was (which he had to admit to himself that sometimes he just did not think) 99 never was intentionally mean to him. He fervently hoped this was not a sign of things to change once they were married.

"I'm sorry, love. I just got frustrated," said 99 as she gave Max a kiss on his cheek which was about the only thing she could see in the darkness.

"It's ok, sweetheart. I'm frustrated, too." Max groped for 99's hand. He found it and brought it to his lips.

"99, promise me something?"

"What's that?"

"When we get married, you'll remember to shave your hand?"

"What are you talking about now Max?"

"Well, I just kissed your hand and it seemed rather hairy."

"Max, that wasn't my hand."

"Well, then, what was it?"

Max lit his cigarette lighter and found what he had thought was 99's hand was a large hairy paw attached to an animal with little beady eyes. Suddenly Max dropped the thing he thought was a hand and called for 99.

"99!"

"Right behind you, Max!"

He said softly, "What was that I was holding by the paw?"

"It was a mountain lion, Max."

"A whaaat?"

"It's a mountain lion, Max!"

Suddenly the creature roared, not as fierce as a tiger's roar, but when it's mouth opened there were a lot of sharp teeth inside.

"Let's get outta here!"

"Right behind you, Max!"

Once Max and 99 started running in the opposite direction they found themselves in a lit cement walled corridor.

"What is this place?" 99 asked following closely behind Max who still carried his lit cigarette lighter like a torch.

"Good thing I'm having trouble quitting smoking, 99."

"Why is that because you're having withdrawal symptoms?"

"No, because I wouldn't have had my lighter, 99," Max said matter-of-factly.

"Oh, Max," 99 moaned and rolled her eyes.

They walked along the lighted corridor. The lights were embedded in the corridor walls. The halogen bulbs gave very little light almost if the bulbs were going to blow out any minute.

"Do you have any idea where we might be, Max?" 99 asked. Max now had her hand firmly in his as she trailed behind him very closely. Max had eventually realized that though was not much light in the corridor he did not need his lighter lit.

"I'm not sure, 99, but I think we are closing in on KAOS' latest headquarters."

"Max, look!" 99 exclaimed as she stopped Max in his tracks. She pointed at the sign on the wall across from them.

"Well, at least, we know we're in the right place." Max responded as he focused on the big KAOS logo across from them.

Suddenly the lights went bright and a loud siren could be heard reverberating through the empty hallway. Max and 99 were temporarily frozen in place.

"Where are we going to go?" 99 exclaimed looking for some outward escape.

Max spotted a door and tried to open it, but it wouldn't budge. He spotted another door just a few paces away from it. He pushed all his weight against this one and it gave in.

"Come on, 99! In here," Max yelled to 99 urging her inside.

Ninety-nine hurriedly went through the door. Max followed and shut the door. They both crouched against the door and listened as footsteps hurried down the hallway.

Ninety-nine looked around her and noticed that they were in a room next to a darkroom. She knew it was a darkroom because the little sign posted on it said 'darkroom'. Ninety-nine also knew that if she opened the door that they might just find the answer to their questions.

"Well, I think they've given up, 99," Max said as he turned to look at 99 behind him.

"99? 99?" Max asked to no one behind him.

Max looked around and then saw 99's head poke out from the room across from him. He got up from his crouched position and tread softly over to where his fiancée was.

"Max, look!" 99 said as Max came into the room. "These are some more pictures freshly developed. Now if we could just figure out the code in the…Max. Max?!"

Max was so busy looking at the tasteful nude women in the pictures that he could not hear 99 who was speaking right next to him. Max's attention returned to his partner when 99 quickly snatched the pictures from Max's hot hands.

"Max stay focused will you? These women are being exploited for insidious reasons. It's our job to expose this latest plot of KAOS' and give these women back their dignity."

Max looked properly reprimanded like a little boy caught looking at his father' s secret Playboy Magazine stash.

"I know, 99. I agree with you, but…"

"But what, Max?" 99 asked. She was almost sorry she was accompanying Max on this little mission. He had chased women in front of her for years as they worked together but his behavior now that they were betrothed worried her. Was she never going to be good enough for him so a few nude pictures of strange women make him lose focus and forget his commitment to her? That idea really scared her.

"Couldn't I just have one back?"

"No! Now where's your little camera?" 99 asked angrily.

"It's here, 99," Max said as he pulled the miniscule camera from his suit pocket.

"Take a shot at some of this stuff," 99 commanded as she moved along the table. Hanging on the wall by a hook was a stapled booklet marked CODE. She motioned to Max who was still taking pictures and motioned for him to come with her and look at the booklet.

Max took it down from the hook and started to page through it.

"I think we found it, 99," Max said proudly.

"Is it the current code KAOS is using with the pictures?" 99 asked excitedly.

"It sure looks like it. We have to get a picture of this for the Chief and then we can crack this case."

"Got the pictures, Max?" 99 asked.

"Yes, I do. Let's get out of her, 99".

"Not so fast, Schmart!"

"99, you can't throw your voice can you?" Max asked with his hands automatically raised.

"No, Max…" 99 responded intrepidly.

"I didn't think so."

"Now turnaround, you two, very slowly," the heavily German accented voice said.

"Well, Siegfried, we meet again," Max said. "I suppose you wouldn't let us have copy of that code."

"Absolutely not, Schmart," Siegfried said.

"You know Siegfried, we've defeated you before and we'll defeat you again," 99 ventured.

"How are you Miss Ninety-nine?" Siegfried asked.

"I'd be better if you would let us go so we could plan our wedding."

"Oh, Congratulations! I only hope you two live long enough for that blissful day." Siegfried said as he continued to point his gun at them.

"Ah, Siegfried, I'll make a deal with you," Max said.

"Vat vould that be , eh, Schmart?' Siegfried said tempted although he knew Max and 99 did not have much to deal.

"Why don't you just forget you saw us and let us go? We'll put everything back just the way it was and no one will even know we were here," Max said confidently.

"I don't think so, Schmart."

Ninety-nine waited long enough for an idea to pop into Max's head, but it looks like she would have to lovingly nudge him again.

"Siegfried, what are you going to do with us?" 99 asked while she carefully surreptitiously removed her little red gun from her pocket. Siegfried's eyes never left Max, so he did not even notice what she was doing.

With his eyes still on Max, he said, "Oh, I just thought that I would tie you up until we clear out of this facility."

"Well, think again, Siegfried!" 99 fired her gun as she grabbed Max' s hand.

"Let's run, 99!" Max said as he watched his sworn enemy drop to the ground.

"This isn't over, Schmart!" Siegfried cried as he dropped to the floor holding his shoulder.

Max and 99 quickly exited the darkroom quickly snatching Max's mini-camera with the evidence.

As Max and 99 just barely left the room with the evidence, they could hear running footsteps from both the left and right of them.

"What are we going to do?" 99 whined looking at Max for answers.

"Run, 99, what do you think we're gonna do?" Max responded.

So they ran hand in hand with the little camera tucked inside Max's suit jacket pocket. When they got back to the cave with the large cat inside it, they ran right past and found a ladder back up into the photo studio. However, this time the studio was filled with people: a photographer, a model (very beautiful, nude model which was not lost on Max at all) and a lighting technician who was shouting instructions to the photographer while arranging the model on the bed. He and 99 stopped momentarily in their escape because Max had an idea. Max's idea would stop the others from following them. He whispered it to 99 as they stood behind the doorway to the vast studio.

"No! I'm not posing for that photographer! I am surprised you're asking me! I am your fiancée! Do you want your future wife to be exposed in that way?" 99 exclaimed and hit Max's arm lightly.

"99, before that photographer will snap so much as eyelash I'll be over there and rescue you! You won't have to undress. I'll be there!" Max exclaimed vehemently in return.

99 rolled her eyes in that impatient way she had with Max and then reluctantly agreed to boldly pose nude for KAOS photographer.

"Next, next!" The menancing photographer announced with a thick Russian accent.

"Yuri, she'll be here in a minute," the lighting technician said calming the little man.

"I am here, boys," 99 purred in a thick Russian accent. 99 possessed a good ear and could imitate any accent, and she spoke several languages unfortunately Russian was not one of them; so she hoped no one asked her anything in KAOS' native tongue. She was dressed in a silk kimono she had found in the back. It had been cleaned, washed, and pressed, and the scent which emanated from it was wonderful like a bouquet of red American Beauty roses.

Max had a hard time focusing on his plan as he watched his fiancée saunter her way to the faux bed.

"Who are you?" The photographer asked. "I need to know your name, dahling," the KAOS guy asked as 99 went past him. He reached out and touched her bottom giving it a little pinch. That alone made Max wince. How dare he put his hand on his fiancée! His girl. His 99. HIS FUTURE WIFE! Suddenly it dawned on Max what he was asking 99 to do which galvanized Max into action and aroused him from his stupor.

"I am Ivanka, gentlemen," 99 said eyeing them both seductively.

"Well, Ivanka, have you ever modeled in the nude before?" The KAOS lighting technician inquired looking at 99 lasciviously. He found that not only were her eyes a fascinating very deep blue but her legs which jutted out from under the robe were lovely and went on forever. He could not wait to see what message she would convey to his fellow KAOS people. Petrov, the lighting technician, could tell that Yuri's, mouth watered for the removal the of the robe which impeded what promised to be a phenomenal body.

"I have modeled, Dahling, but only in the nude for private eyes. Not in public," 99 said still clutching the kimono to her vital portions_. Where's Max?_ She thought to herself. _ He promised I wouldn't have to undress. How could he do this to me?_ Suddenly she remembered that it really was not Max, her future husband, who asked her but her fellow CONTROL agent. It was her work partner that asked her to do this. The fact that he happened to be the love of her life was just a coincidence from the many years they had spent relying on one another in situations such as these. 99 quickly found her resolve and began to open her kimono.

"Hold it!" said Yuri holding up his hand. "Where is your message that will be printed on the caption of the picture?"

"My message," 99 stammered. "What message?"

"Ivanka, you are a member of KAOS, aren't you?"

"No, she's a member of CONTROL!" came Max's voice from the back of the room. "99, don't go any further."

"It's all right, Max. I was just going to do this," 99 said as she drew her pistol with she had had concealed beneath her robe.

"Good work, 99!" Max exclaimed joining her at the foot of the cardboard bed.

"Maxwell Smart," Yuri said. "I thought CONTROL would send you. However, I did not know that they would also send their most beautiful female agent for sacrificing on this job."

"Well, 99 is not only a terrific agent, she is my partner as well as my future wife. So, Yuri, get those hands off the camera, turnaround, and march. That goes for you, too, Petrov. I have enough evidence on me to stop this illicit operation.

Yuri and Petrov walked out of the studio with Max walking behind holding them at gunpoint. 99 followed and became concerned.

"I don't have to change if we are to get these two down to headquarters before the others figure out what's happened. I"ll just grab my clothes and go with you."

"That's all right, 99. While you were playing at being the model, I called the Chief…ah! Here is he now, 99!"

"Good work, Max and 99! I'll take these guys down to headquarters. Larabee found the cave and has picked up a wounded Siegfried and Shtarker, so you two can go home after filing your reports. Good work." Chief repeated. He was really surprised that nothing went wrong where 99 had to save Max's proverbial butt again. _Maybe he was finally learning since he asked 99 to be his wife. I know she's ecstatic. She has always loved him, and I know that he had always loved her; though for a long time, he wouldn't admit it to himself let alone to anyone else. I am glad I was able to obtain permission for them to marry. They are truly two dedicated and loyal agents whom I know won't let their life together become more important than their country._

"Thanks, Chief. We'll follow in my car," Max said helping the Chief with Yuri and Petrov get into the Chief's spacious Buick.

Two days later, Max and 99 were having dinner at Max's apartment.

"It was certainly good of the Chief to let us have a couple of days off, so we could work on wedding plans," said 99 looking at her bare third finger of her left hand. She wondered if Max had forgotten about an engagement ring. She knew he was forgetful, but Max was very sentimental and would never forget anything so important as that or would he?

Just as though he had heard her thoughts, Max took a small blue velvet box out of his jacket pocket and placed it on the table between them.

"99," Max said looking across at his fiancée's expectant look.

"Yes, Max," 99 responded swallowing hard in anticipation of what was in that little box. Knowing Max the way she did she would not be surprised if it was an IOU.

"I love you, 99. I know you think that I forgot all about an engagement ring for you, haven't you?"

"Well, we have been pretty busy these last three weeks since you proposed…" 99 said sheepishly embarrassed how he knew her so well. She supposed that was because in the last five years they had worked so closely together. As CONTROL agent partners that was what your life depended upon: your partner having your back and you having his.

"I didn't forget. I would never forget anything as important to us as that. So, that having been stated, I want you to see what is in this box," Max stated proudly as he pushed the little ring box closer to 99 for her to open and be stunned.

Stunned was hardly the word that 99 would use for the enormous diamond ring perched inside the box. It had to be at least 1.5 carats.

"How did you afford such a beautiful ring, Max?"

"That's on a need-to-know basis, 99, and you do not need to know. Do you like it?" Max asked hoping that it was not too ostentatious for her. He was so prodigiously proud that 99 was going to be his wife that his only thought was to please her. She always pleased him and Max just wanted to feel worthy.

"It's beautiful. I love it! Just the right cut," 99 said as she held her hand up to the light and watched the round faceted ring sparkle like a million tiny fireworks. 99 rose from the table and coming over to Max's side took him in her arms and kissed him soundly.

After the kiss, 99 and Max put their foreheads together touching closely. She came to sit on Max's lap and as they cuddled a short while, the doorbell suddenly rang.

"Who could that be?" 99 wondered looking at Max.

"That should be my other surprise, my dear," Max said as he politely and regretfully disengaged himself from 99. He rose from the table and went to the door of the apartment.

"Who is it?" Max asked.

"It's the photographer. I have come to take your engagement picture as you requested, Mr. Smart," a muffled voice stated from behind the closed door.

Max had been expecting this so he opened the door with a flourish.

"Come in, Luigi, we were just finishing dinner," Max said helping Luigi a tall round, mustachioed, dark haired man into the room.

After short introductions were made, 99 took Max aside and said, "What are we doing?"

"He's painting our engagement painting. This will hang in our house someday, so our children can someday see how happy we were to be in love and engaged. Is that ok with you, 99?"

"That's wonderful, love. However, tell me, were you inspired by KAOS's little picture ploy?"

"Nah, I thought of this kind of picture all by myself. You will just have to wait until after we're married to see what kind of pictures KAOS could inspire in an engaged CONTROL agent. Just you wait…" Max said turning his attention back to Luigi and his easel.

99 wondered and thought…Oh Max!


End file.
